OVERVIEW OF ASSERTIVENESS
Inability to ask others for what you want can stem from having a low self-esteem. Students may feel they don’t deserve to make their needs known or don’t have confidence to express them. This difficulty may vary, for instance, increase with authority figures and decrease with strangers. Students also might not be aware of what they want.
Research shows being assertiveness helps students seek out assistance and opportunities both in high school and beyond and avoid negative behaviors that can be brought on by peer pressure. It also helps students build self-esteem, manage stress, reduce being bullied, avoid aggressive behaviors when provoked, and better able to cope with disagreements and criticism (Buell & Snyder, 1981).
Role-playing has been shown to be particularly effective in assertiveness training.
The following video (3:13 minutes) defines assertiveness and provides strategies to teach assertiveness in the school setting.
One suggested strategy is to have students examine how professionals state their opinions at work. What professions come to mind when thinking about the need to communicate assertively in a job setting?
UNPACKING ASSERTIVENESS
Based on a positive sense of respect for self and others, assertiveness training is a form of behavior therapy designed to help people maintain an appropriate balance between passivity and aggression in their responses. It starts with learning that assertiveness is in the middle of a continuum with aggressiveness — one trying to force another to submit and invading personal boundaries — at one end and passivity — one submitting to another and disrespecting one’s own boundaries— at the other.
Next, students need to gather information for self-awareness. Students should ask themselves about times when they have difficulty asserting themselves. Is it with certain people? A particular place or life area?
Once they have identified a focus, role-play lets them practice communicating assertively. Role-plays can include examples of responses to help students differentiate assertive behavior from aggressive behavior (e.g., hostile, abusive, or disregards the needs and feelings of others) and passive behavior (e.g., apologetic, self-recriminating, and submissive). The use of “I” statements (“when you _________, I feel ___________”) should be suggested as a way to defuse accusatory comments. During communication, stress the importance of active listening, which is giving others the time to talk without interruption, clarifying anything that is not clear, and summarizing what you think was said.
To also keep dialogue productive, introduce the use of calm persistence to stay on track. This strategy requires clearly repeating your message several times if necessary without raising your voice and not getting sidetracked. Another strategy is calmly agreeing to any truth in an aggressor’s statements but not be defensive or argue. Ideally, this assertive position will make it possible to have a more reasonable discussion when the aggressor realizes you are being respective but not giving the desired response.